New Apartment

I just recently moved in to a new apartment.  It’s pretty tiny, there’s no denying that.  I was initially really not looking forward to moving in because of the size and relative quality of the apartment.  It was rather ghetto to start off with.  After a ton of cleaning, some creative furniture placement and decorating, I have a rather decent tiny apartment.  It’s only an efficiency apartment, so there’s no separate living room.  It’s just one big room, a kitchen and a bathroom.  I figured that’s okay, it’s just me after all.  It’s rather decent rent for living on my own and being only 2 blocks from campus.  I have few complaints except for the parking situation.  The borough will not sell me a parking permit until the end of next month so they can keep everything on a quarterly basis.  I guess that just means I have to constantly panic and make sure there is money in the parking meter.  Bullshit, I’m going down there and we will see what happens.  The good news is that I can park at the campus stadium for free soon after I get the actual permit.  Bad news, it’s like 5 blocks in the opposite direction.  The way I see it, one of two things will happen as a result.  I will 1: Drive less, because I don’t want to walk to the car, therefore saving a ton in gas.  Or option 2: I will be walking my ass off a bit more and I’ll get more fit.  I see it as a win win situation.  The only thing bad would be if I got a job that I couldn’t just walk to and would have to walk to my car every day.  I don’t think I’d be too happy about that.  We will see what happens on that note.  I really just want a job on campus for like 10 hours a week or something.  I honestly don’t need more.  With my course load this semester, which happens to seem like a lot already, I can’t handle much more. I need to actually get out and start looking for some sort of job though.  I’m sure something will come by soon though.  Not much else has changed in my life honestly.  Month number 16 as a single man.  Love it. Hate it. Until next time. :]

Shit Sucks

I have no job, I have no friends, I have no love, and I’m a month away to having to move home.  Oh and I fucked up some metal piece under my car that is now pointing downwards causing my car to scrape on EVERYTHING.  I keep telling myself it can’t get any worse, then it does.  I just want to know when it’s going to stop.  I need a break.

Bangin Pay

A quick update to what has been going on.  I pretty much worked June away.  I’m pretty sure I hung out with my friends about one time.  My manager ended up stepping down from her position and I basically ran the store by myself for about a week.  Between scheduling, food orders, customer complaints, and angry co-workers, I nearly quit.  By the last sunday before the new manager was stepping up the following week, I was basically done.  I had weekly inventory, which includes counting boxes and dip cups (tedious), payroll, and I was short a closing driver (which we only have one to begin with).  I had multiple employees scream in my face about the schedule, multiple employees threatened to quit on me, and I was working 14-15 hour days.  I had a lot of stress would be a nice way of putting it.  Well on Sunday as I was doing payroll I basically wrote a note to the main office that said something to the effect of: I want a raise or a reason to stick around or I quit. I don’t get paid enough or am expected to have the responsibilities I did the past week.  I was extremely shocked when I found I was given a bonus, a raise, and the store paid for dinner when I had one last 15 hour shift.  I’m not really too sure whether or not the new manager is going to work out or not, but I know I’m planning on staying a little while longer.

Change is good, I think.

My manager is quitting, a certain other employee called me a little bitch, and my anxiety is killing me.  I’m a firm believer that change is almost always good.  If not now, then in the future it will be good.  My life is on shaky ground right now and I really don’t like it.  I most likely will either quit or be fired for taking a week off next month to go to Mexico with my family.  I know I can find another job, but I really didn’t want this part of my life to change.  Now I get to be alone and unemployed too.  Well hopefully this opens the door to a potential relationship or something.  I’d be willing to give up my full time for that.  Until then, I’m gonna be stressed the hell out.

Europe and Forgiveness

I just got back from a 2 week trip to Europe.  I can’t even begin to explain everything I saw and experienced.  So much happened and I basically had the time of my life.  I don’t regret taking the trip for a second. A lot of good has come out of the trip.  I was able to see a whole other part of the world and experience it’s culture.  France, Italy and Switzerland are a good bit different from the United States.  I found that Europe is considerably more liberal than the United States in quite a few ways.  It has definitely been a learning experience that will impact the rest of my life.  In other news, during the trip I had a bit of an emotional moment.  I was sitting on the beach by myself looking out in to the Mediterranean Sea.  I was a little startled to find that I was beginning to miss Cory.  Of all people, I started getting homesick because I wanted to see him.  As I kept thinking about it I began to realize that I need to stop beating myself up over what happened between him and me.  I forgave him long ago and I needed to forgive myself.  It felt like a good time and I believed I was ready for it.  I picked out a few sea shells from the beach and I made a wish on each one as I through them back out to sea.  As I sat back down to stare out at the water I began to cry.  It felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I’ve finally found the strength to forgive myself for making a horrible mistake.  This is a new beginning for me.  And yet, I still miss him even though we are pretty decent friends now.

Former Love

Dear _______,

I miss you.  It gets lonely here a lot.  It’s hard having a life outside of work and school.  I miss what we had and I miss you so much.  Though, I realize we can never be together again.  The difference now is that I have my reasons for not being able to be with you too now.  You refuse to be with me because of what “I did to you” in the past.  I can’t be with you because of what is happening right now and what will happen in the future.  I’m working  hard to further my education and you are stuck delivering pizzas for a living.  It just couldn’t work out.  I’m shooting for the stars and you’re content making minimum wage.  I can’t be making 6 figures a year and be with a guy who works for tips.  It has taken me over a year but I’m finally moving on.  You will never know how much you have hurt me in the past year.  I’m moving on and closing the door to that part of my life.  It’s over, and always will be.

Love, Your Past,

Christopher.

News News

School has been going well for the most part.  I find that I’m a bit overwhelmed with my current course load so I made the decision to drop my history class. Hopefully my advisor approves of it tomorrow.   My manager talked to me about potentially replacing our assistant manager when he leaves.   I’m pretty excited about it, and I really hope I can manage a full time job with school. I know I can do it as long as most of my hours are on the weekends.  We also finally got a couch and table for my apartment.  It’s great.  It’s kind of ghetto but it works.  Well this is my life and that is the update haha. :D

5th week, 2nd semester

I have 2 more classes today and I end the 5th week fo my second semester.  My Macbook Pro charger basically died today.  I can get it to work randomly at times but it’s getting to the point where it’s becoming just dangerous.  The cord is all ripped up and such and now it’s sparking at me when it’s moved.  I sort of want to take it in to Apple tomorrow when I head down to Pittsburgh and show them.  Then again, the laptop is nearly 4 years old so I really shouldn’t complain.  It just sucks that I have to spend yet another 80 bucks on top of just having to replace my one tire which was another 80 bucks.  The move to clarion has been saving me money, but yet I’ve been getting raped with other random shit that keeps going wrong.  My uncle announced that he’s going to buy me a couch.  FINALLY! I need to call him promptly and tell him I found a couch that I want to get and then ask for the money.  I’m excited to finally get a couch. It’s been way too long that I’ve had to wait so far.  Money has been bothering me a bit lately since I’ve been the sole provider of groceries in the house for the past 3 weeks. Lee lost his debit card and now everything relies on me.  It’s nothing short of annoying at best.  Speaking of which, he never came home last night and I haven’t heard from him.  I assume he went off to Pittsburgh to hang with David or something.  Which is nice, considering he “Doesn’t have any money.” Which is why I’ve been buying groceries for the house.  There should be no surprise to why I get annoyed on a daily basis.  I’m about 85% sure I just want to move in to my own place as soon as the lease is up for this semester.  It will be more expensive no doubt, but I just don’t want to do this anymore.  I think that probably bothers me most is the fact that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing anything wrong most of the time.  He doesn’t realize that a lot of what he does to annoy me is basically inappropriate.  Things that I shouldn’t even have to say anything about.  I’d prefer not to cause any conflict but I feel it’s all but inevitable anymore. I just need to focus more completely on my course work and my job.  Try and get more hours, because I definitely could use more cash. I guess we will see what happens. Until next time.

3rd Week, 2nd Semester

Today marks the end of the 3rd week of my 2nd semester in college. It’s just incredible how fast time is passing by.  This week, the guy I went on 2 dates with basically freaked out on me and convinced me it was all my fault for the quarrel.  Looking back on the conversation, basically everything he blamed me for was exactly what he was doing.  I just wish for once I could meet someone that was remotely normal.  I’m quite aware of my own problems and I definitely have no problem understanding most problems other people have.  I just wish for once I wouldn’t be attacked by every person I even try to talk to.  It’s getting rather ridiculous.  We haven’t been really talking so I think it’s probably just over.  I’m a little disappointed but it’s nothing usual at this point.  He is 24 after all and there’s probably a reason he’s still single.  Other than that, My car (Molly) has been giving me more issues as of late.  Now, when it’s cold outside, the 2 front doors decide they don’t want to close.  I guess it’s a common problem that the door latches fail in my car. So there’s yet something else that will need to be fixed pretty soon.  I really just want to trade the damn car off but I have no idea what car to buy.  I don’t want to buy something with more miles than I already have on my car.  Then again, I don’t want to go spending a lot of money that I don’t have at the moment.  If this car could just last until next fall I could probably manage to wing something.  Then again, that’s when I plan on getting a new laptop.  Simply put, I need a better job.  In other news, I’m planning a trip somewhere for Spring Break.  It’s looking like I may spend a few days in Texas with a friend of mine. It would be the cheapest option because at least I would have somewhere to stay for free and I wouldn’t be depressed that I was doing something else alone as usual.  I’m a bit excited, but nothing is set quite yet so we will see what happens with that.  I feel like my life is a plateau.  I’m currently walking on the edge of it.  And when things like this shit with men happen, is me slipping off and nearly falling.   I feel like I’m constantly fighting an uphill battle with this stuff.  When do things start to get better?  I hope it’s soon. I need it.  Until next time.

Week 1 – Second Semester

The first week of classes has been pretty good. I still have 2 more classes today and then the week is officially over for me.  I technically have yet to go to one of my classes because it only meets on mondays and we haven’t had monday classes yet.  Also, my 9am class has been cancelled both days this week. I guess I haven’t really went to that class either then.  I’m a little worried I’m going to overwhelm myself but it’s beginning to look like it won’t be much more difficult than last semester.  In other news I’m nearing 100 days until my trip to Europe.  I believe I’m sitting at around 116 at the moment.  I’m so excited and scared for the trip still.  As for my apartment, it’s going decent I would say.  I still think I would have preferred to live alone, but this is a nice start.  We had a pretty serious ice and snow storm last night into today.  I nearly died on my way home last night.  I was on a backroad like I always am when it’s bad out.  It’s some weird obsession I have to go on the backroads when it’s bad.  I couldn’t even see the road or where the stop sign was for the road and I nearly slid into the path of a truck.  It looked like he may have sped up at the last minute because he knew I was going to slide in front of him.  I quite literally slid into the intersection and just turned and kept going.  It kinda felt like I was going to have a heart attack but I somehow managed to miss that accident.  Jumping back Europe trip, do my summer classes and start my Sophomore year! If everything goes well and I keep up the pace that I’m getting myself in to, then I should have no problem graduating in around 3.5-4 years instead of 5.   One can only hope.  As for my love life, it’s still non-existant.  It feels like it continually just gets worse.  I’m really hoping by now I’ve hit the bottom and things can begin to start improving.  One can only hope about that also.  I guess that’s all I have for now. Until next time :D